For the past two weeks, a conversation around “male loneliness” has dominated my social media timeline. “Male loneliness” refers to a recent focus on the social habits of men with studies showing young men especially feeling “disconnected, pessimistic about the future, and turning to online anger.” Many Twitter accounts I follow have taken this resurgent topic of debate to point out much of the issue is the doing of men themselves; they are restricted socially because of their own adherence to misogyny and upholding patriarchal norms. For them, the solution to the male loneliness epidemic is simple:
I wrote a bit about this very topic in my review of Close. If you’re interested in my thoughts on toxic masculinity and male loneliness, please revisit that review.
When I watched A Man Called Otto a couple nights ago, I was reminded of the deeper conversations taking place about the declining sociability of men. The film finds Otto—Tom Hanks playing a crotchety old man—in the midst of a mental crisis. In the movie’s first scene, he stumbles his way through buying a 5 foot long rope he plans to use to hang himself. The recent death of his wife and soulmate along with the changing dynamics of the neighborhood and losing his job has driven Otto to his breaking point. But just as he prepares for his last breath, his wife’s voice and his new neighbors’ inability to parallel park halt him in his tracks.
The neighbors, Marisol and Tommy (Mariana Treviño, Narcos Mexico and Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, The Lincoln Lawyer), are renters who unlike most see the good inside Otto. They immediately open up to him, sharing food and attempts at friendship to little to no avail. No matter how hard they try, Otto can’t bring himself to reciprocate. To his own detriment, he has held on to too many resentments.
A Man Called Otto begins with a viewer discretion notice about suicide, which typically I would be against, but some of the scenes are particularly graphic (especially the first attempted hanging). Several times throughout the movie, Otto tries and fails to commit suicide. This year more than any I can remember I’ve seen people I know relieve themselves from the burden of living. So what at first felt like cheap depictions of suicide attempts in the movie rubbed me the wrong way. But as itwent on, Hanks, Treviño and the filmmakers lent credibility to Otto’s despair. It’s clear his pain was much deeper than I originally thought.
As far as the story, the other performances, and the movie’s filmmaking, I wasn’t moved. It plays mostly as a down the middle, predictable movie. There are no surprises here. It’s also a remake of a Swedish movie, A Man Called Ove, based on the book of the same name. I do wish Hollywood would stop remaking foreign films completely. However, both Hanks and Treviño’s performances elevate what would have just been a fine movie into something a bit more substantive. Hanks, usually more jovial or personable in his roles, really captures the essence of depression. And Treviño plays a perfect foil to Otto, caring and compassionate even when rejected again and again.
While I can’t speak for “male loneliness” as a whole—much of it is a status ascribed to incels and misogynists who think their issues are somehow more important than the loneliness others face—I do know that community is the answer to depression. A Man Called Otto nails it when Marisol offers up Otto meals, snacks, and help with chores. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone in crisis is to take something off their plate. The film also makes it clear that Otto is complicit in his own unhappiness. No different than many men in real life, he left the maintenance of his social life the sole responsibility of his wife; without her, he couldn’t function.
We’re living in a time where it’s harder than ever to find connection. Technology, the climate crisis, COVID-19, and the ever-present burden of our capitalistic society prevents us from building community that will protect us from the worst feelings of despair. It will take all of us, together, to build something new that allows us to create a kinder, caring society. It’s not only necessary it will be required, or else we may all find ourselves in social isolation.
Will you watch this movie?